i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
