Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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