I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
