Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
