Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
