I'm sorry my penis didn't work
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
