I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
