God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
