I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
