i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
