This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
