sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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