I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Randomize
