They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
