How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Randomize
