so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
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