how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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