Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
