I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just gift wrapped bread.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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