after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
