She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
why do cheetos always look like penises
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Come share oat with me in your robe
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
