Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
