Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
