You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize