Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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