At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
They have beer where we have blood.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
