I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
