i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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