You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
