We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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