I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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