just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
