Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
