She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
