can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
