my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize