at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So much Jack, so little girl.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
