I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
