So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
