she woke up with a sticky ear
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
