Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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