I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
