i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
