Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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