my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
