i need an iv and a liver transplant
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize