Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
