I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
