No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
