Define "chronic" masturbator.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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