There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
