yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
