I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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