I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
