He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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