I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
