she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
