I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
He has the fingertips of a God
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