My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
