OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
