just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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