i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
