When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
