Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
