already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
