last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Actions speak louder than pants.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
