you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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