YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i dont even know how to be here
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
