I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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