You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
