you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
