we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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